长郡双语→长郡中学:中考英语满分的孩子,初三时作文只拿了14分?

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长郡双语→长郡中学:中考英语满分的孩子,初三时作文只拿了14分?
去年初三随堂作文:14分(满分15分)

中考英语:满分(100/100)

高一联考:143分(150满分)

中考在即,她想对学弟学妹说几句话。

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妈妈手记

这篇文章,是姐姐去年初三时的一篇随堂作文。题目是《An Introduction to Hunan Embroidery》,老师给了14分。

当时她在长郡双语中学读初三。那一年中考,她英语考了满分。

长郡双语→长郡中学:中考英语满分的孩子,初三时作文只拿了14分? 第1张

现在姐姐在长郡中学读高一,刚刚过去的期中联考,英语143分。

长郡双语→长郡中学:中考英语满分的孩子,初三时作文只拿了14分? 第2张

回头看她初三的作文,依然感动。字里行间能看到一个孩子对传统文化的理解,和那份用心表达的真诚。

中考马上到了。姐姐想对即将走上考场的学弟学妹们说:

“别怕。你背过的每一个单词,写过的每一篇作文,熬过的每一个夜晚,都不会辜负你。”

祝所有中考学子:落笔从容,合笔如愿。 我们更高处见。

—— 一位陪跑三年的妈妈

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长郡双语→长郡中学:中考英语满分的孩子,初三时作文只拿了14分? 第3张

修改后范文(满分15分版本)

An Introduction to Hunan Embroidery

Scenery in the south was gorgeous, and we met again when the flowers were falling. In ancient times, Hunan was a place for exile and deportation, but this magical land gave birth to a magnificent and splendid art form — we call it Hunan embroidery.

Hunan embroidery is one of the most famous traditional arts in China. It has a history of over two thousand years, having become popular since the Warring States period. The materials of Hunan embroidery are fine silk, damask, and colorful yarn. People first turn silk into damask, and then sew colorful yarn onto the damask. It cannot be made by machine, only by hand. It requires many complex procedures, so it is very common for one piece to take several months. When the embroidery is finished, it is more like a work of art than a piece of fabric. Animals and plants on the damask look lifelike, and it can usually be kept for thousands of years. Hunan embroidery shows the love that all Chinese people have for life and beauty.

As young people, we should be proud of what our ancestors have achieved. It is our duty to pass on the traditional art forms of China. What’s more, Hunan embroidery is regarded as one of the greatest treasures in China.

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14分,为什么?

这篇作文得14分(优秀档),扣的1分来自几处技术性瑕疵:

修正

标题笔误 Human Embroidery Hunan

用词 intricacy, its mode of silk fine silk

语法 a artwork a work of art

表达 take about months take several months

但它的亮点更突出:化用杜甫“落花时节又逢君”开篇,结构清晰,立意高(文化传承)。初三学生写出这样的文章,能力早已超越14分。

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作文提分小贴士

1. 先求亮点,再求完美

让孩子放开写,有漂亮的句子就先表扬。亮点够了,再回头消灭小错误。

2. 化用古诗文是“加分神器”

积累3-5句古诗名句,用在开头或结尾,立刻提升档次。

3. 最后3分钟检查三件事

· 标题有拼写错误吗?(Human/Hunan?)

· a/an 用对了吗?

· 时态一致吗?

这1分,就能找回来。

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写在最后

从初三14分,到中考满分,再到高一143分——中间隔的不是运气,是日复一日的积累。

如果您的孩子也在为英语作文发愁,不妨从修改一篇旧作文开始。

中考加油,未来可期。

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如果您想获取更多作文提分技巧,欢迎私信我。

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坚持,真的会看得见。

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长郡双语→长郡中学:中考英语满分的孩子,初三时作文只拿了14分? 第4张

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