第一步：点评
优点：内容积极向上，围绕学生的责任感进行了阐述。文章结构清晰，分为开头、论述和结尾三个部分。
缺点：存在语法错误和拼写错误和打字错误频发，句子结构不完整或冗余，表达不清。
第二步：错误或需要完善的建议
“These showed that responsible play a positive role in students social relationship.”“responsible”应改为复数形式“responsibilities”，因为它在这里代表“责任”的多个方面。
“students social relationship”应改为“students' social relationships”，以正确表示所有格和复数。
“showed”建议改为“show”，以使时态与全文保持一致。
“responsible is a important quality”中的“a”应改为“an”，因为“important”以元音音素开头。
“it's good for our study and development”中的“our”建议改为“their”，以保持人称代词的一致性。
“students should to do these things”中的“to”应该删除，因为“should”后直接跟动词原形。
“Eventually, we'd better to have healthy habits”中的“we'd better to”应改为“we'd better”，因为“had better”后直接跟动词原形。
“Eating more fruit and doing exercise”建议改为“They should eat more fruit and do exercise”，以使句子结构完整。
“the junior high school student should be responsible”中的“student”应为复数形式“students”，以符合上下文语境。
第三步：改正错误后的基本款作文
As we know, responsibility is important to students. Students should be honest in their lives. And it's necessary for them to be kind to people. What's more, they must love their country. These show that responsibilities play a positive role in students' social relationships.
And responsibility is an important quality. Also, it's good for their studies and development.To become responsible, students should do these things. Firstly, study hard and try to get good grades. Secondly, take part in volunteer activities, such as helping old people and planting trees. Finally, they'd better have healthy habits. They should eat more fruit and do exercise.
In short, junior high school students should be responsible
第四步：进一步优化润色成拔高款作文，蓝色是好词好句好素材，尖子生可以选用
We all know that responsibility is very important for students. It's crucial for students to be honest and kind to others. Loving our country is also a must. These things show that being responsible helps us in our relationships with others.
Responsibility is a key quality. It's also good for our learning and growth.To be more responsible, there are a few things students can do. First, we should study hard and aim for good grades. Second, we can take part in helpful activities, like assisting the elderly or planting trees. Lastly, it's beneficial to have healthy habits, like eating fruits and exercising regularly.
In summary, it's essential for junior high students to be responsible.
我们都知道责任对学生来说非常重要。对学生来说，诚实和善待他人是很关键的。爱我们的国家也是必须的。这些事情表明，负责任有助于我们与他人的关系。
责任是一项关键品质。它对我们的学习和成长也有好处。为了更加负责任，学生可以做一些事情。首先，我们应该努力学习，争取好成绩。其次，我们可以参加一些有益的活动，如帮助老人或植树。
最后，养成健康的习惯是有益的，比如吃水果和定期锻炼。总之，初中生必须负责任。
第五步：优化改写理由供参考
“We all know that responsibility is very important for students.”使用“We all know”更加地道，表示这是众所周知的事实。
“It's crucial for students to be honest and kind to others.”用“crucial”替换“important”，虽然意思相近，但“crucial”在表达重要性时语气更强。
“Loving our country is also a must.”使用“a must”来表示“必须”的概念，更加口语化和地道。
“These things show that being responsible helps us in our relationships with others.”句子结构简化为更清晰的表述，同时保留了原意。
“Responsibility is a key quality.”用“key quality”替换“important quality”，使表达更加地道。
“It's also good for our learning and growth.”将“study and development”替换为“learning and growth”，因为后者在描述个人成长时更为常用。
“In summary, it's essential for junior high students to be responsible.”使用“In summary”来总结全文，同时强调初中生负责任的重要性。
第六步:学习方法
拿到修改后的作文，使用三轮写作五步完善法提高写作能力：
第一步：请仔细对照着原文，把需要修改的错误都改正过来，并且能够理解为什么要这样改。
第二步：在原来的思路和修改建议上，重新再写一遍没有错误的作文。
第三步：认真研读Jon老师修改成优秀作文以及优化理由。
第四步：找出自己的文章和优秀范文的差距，选择其中自己可以理解的词语或素材，借鉴到自己的文章里。
第五步: 自己再重新写一遍作文，向着满分作文靠拢。
经过以上三轮写作，五步完善，孩子一篇文章的进步，就比其他孩子写5篇作文进步都要大。
全国很多学生都用Jon老师三轮五步法，
快速提升了他们的写作能力。
如果你孩子也正在练习写作文，
请把他的作文拍下来发给我吧。
我帮你像上面这篇文章一样，
精细化修改，
一步步帮助孩子掌握高分写作能力。
请加Jon老师微信：
Jon老师，二十年英语教育教学经验，创办英文图书馆，英语学校，英语剧场等。帮助学生快速提高作文能力。0504#265
