摘要： 榜样类作文，真正的得分重心不是“榜样多优秀”，而是“我如何被改变”。文末附中考英语作文精批服务。
作文题目：
成长路上，总有一位鼓舞人心的榜样在潜移默化中影响我们，促使我们发生改变。为引导青少年梳理榜样意识，看见成长改变，你校英语社团计划举办以”An Inspiring Model Has Changed Me”为主题的征文活动。请你根据以下提示写一篇短文。
内容提示：
Who is your inspiring role model?
Why is he or she so inspiring?
How has he or she greatly changed you?
注意：文中不得透露个人真实信息；词数100词左右；开头已给出，不计入总词数：
An Inspiring Model Has Changed Me
An inspiring role model has brought great changes to me._________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
这篇17分作文，问题不在语法
文字版：
An inspiring role model has brought great changes to me. The role model is my physics teacher, Mr. Yi. He has many inspiring points.
First, he always encourages me to do experiments and figure out the knowledge inside. Then it helps me never to give up when facing a complex problem. What’s more, Mr. Yi helps me form methods that suit myself in studying. Many of Mr. Yi’s spirits have changed me. For example, I developed the eagerness towards seeking knowledge from Mr. Yi. His persistence has also changed me. Now I stick to my problems in physics until I finish them.
In conclusion, Mr. Yi is an inspiring person. I hope I can pass on his spirit to people around me in the future.
总体来看，这篇作文内容完整，三个提示问题都写到了，也有具体事例。主要问题不是语法错误，而是：
部分搭配不够地道；
个别表达比较生硬；
“榜样的特点”和“我的改变”之间逻辑不够紧。
例如原文先写老师鼓励做实验，接着写学生不再轻易放弃，最后又写老师的坚持改变了自己。内容本身没错，但最好一一对应。
习作分析&修改示例：
原文 | 问题分析 | 建议修改 |
An inspiring role model has brought great changes to me. | bring changes to me搭配不够自然。英语中更常说某人对自己产生了影响，或使自己发生了改变。 | An inspiring role model has changed me in many ways. |
The role model is my physics teacher, Mr. Yi. | 语法正确，但The role model is...略显生硬，像是在介绍一个概念。 | My role model is my physics teacher, Mr. Yi. |
He has many inspiring points. | inspiring points不是这里最自然的搭配。描述一个人的优秀品质，可以用qualities；描述其令人鼓舞的地方，也可以用things about him。 | He has many admirable qualities. |
First, he always encourages me to do experiments and figure out the knowledge inside. | figure out the knowledge inside不符合英语习惯。figure out通常表示弄清楚问题或原理；the knowledge inside表意模糊。 | First, he encourages me to do experiments and discover the science behind them. |
What’s more, Mr. Yi helps me from methods that suit myself in studying. | helps me from methods是错误搭配。表示帮助某人找到适合自己的方法，可以说help me find methods that work for me。 | What’s more, Mr. Yi helps me find study methods that work for me. |
Many of Mr. Yi’s spirits have changed me. | spirits不适合表示一个人的多种优秀品质。这里可以使用qualities，也可以直接写具体的品质。 | Mr. Yi’s qualities have had a great influence on me. |
An inspiring role model has brought great changes to me. My role model is my physics teacher, Mr. Yi, who has many admirable qualities. First, he encourages me to do experiments and discover the science behind them. This makes me more curious about knowledge and less afraid of difficulties. What’s more, he helps me find study methods that work for me, so I have learned to solve problems on my own. His qualities have had a great influence on me. Thanks to him, I now keep working on a physics problem until I solve it. He has not only helped me become a better student but also taught me the value of persistence. In the future, I hope to inspire others just as he has inspired me. |
可积累词块
encourage sb. to do sth. 鼓励某人做某事
discover the science behind... 发现……背后的科学
be curious about... 对……好奇
be afraid of... 害怕……
find study methods that work for me 找到适合我的学习方法
solve problems on my own 独立解决问题
have a great influence on... 对……有很大影响
keep working on... 坚持做……
the value of persistence 坚持的价值
inspire others just as he has inspired me 像他激励我一样去激励别人
中考英语作文精批服务 | 单篇￥39
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能写够词数，语法不规范，表达不够地道；
逻辑总写散；
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