在雅思写作考试中，“成功”是一个高频话题。很多同学遇到这类题目时，要么观点单薄，要么例证空洞，最终分数不理想。
今天，我们以一篇高分范文为例，逐段拆解如何写好“讨论双方观点并给出自己观点”这类大作文。这篇文章不仅结构清晰、论证有力，更重要的是——它给了我们一个思考成功本质的新视角。
本期题目
Some people think that success of life is based on hard work and determination. Others, however, believe that there are more important factors such as having money or good appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
有人认为人生的成功建立在努力和毅力之上。但也有人认为，金钱或靓丽外表等因素更为重要。讨论双方观点并给出你自己的看法。
范文全文
引言段
The definition of success in life is a topic of ongoing debate. While some argue that hard work and determination are the key factors, others believe thatexternal elements such as wealth or physical appearance play a more significant role. This essay will explore both perspectives before presenting my own view.
结构解析：引言段三句话，层层递进——第一句引出话题，第二句呈现双方观点，第三句表明文章结构。这是雅思大作文引言段的“黄金公式”。
主体段1：努力与决心
Those who emphasize hard work and determination argue that these qualities are the foundation of success. Hard work enables individuals to develop skills, overcome challenges, and achieve long-term goals. Determination, on the other hand, providesthe resilience needed to persist despite setbacks.For example, many successful entrepreneurs, such as Elon Musk, attribute their achievements to relentless effort and an unwavering commitment to their vision. This perspective suggests that success is earned through personal effort rather than external advantages.
高分亮点：
- 句型多样性： 首句用定语从句引出观点；中间用平行结构（develop skills, overcome challenges, and achieve long-term goals）增强节奏感；最后用总结句收尾。
- 词汇精准： resilience（韧性）、relentless effort（不懈努力）、unwavering commitment（坚定不移的承诺）——这些都是高分表达。
- 例证有力： 用埃隆·马斯克作为例子，真实、具体、有说服力。
主体段2：金钱与外表
On the other hand, some people believe that success is heavily influenced by factors such as wealth and physical appearance. Money can provide access to better education, resources, and opportunities, which can significantly enhance one’s chances of success. Similarly, good looks are often associated with social advantages, such asincreased confidenceor better first impressions, which canopen doors in both personal and professional contexts.For instance, studies have shown that attractive individuals are more likely to be hired or promoted. This view highlights the role of external factors in shaping one’s path to success.
高分亮点：
- 衔接自然： On the other hand 清晰引出另一方观点。
- 层层递进： 先谈金钱，再谈外表，每一点都有解释和延伸。
- 例证权威： “studies have shown” 引出研究结论，比单纯说“我认为”更有说服力。
- 句式灵活： 非限制性定语从句（which can significantly enhance...）增加了句子的复杂性。
主体段3：个人观点
In my opinion, while external factors like money and appearance can provide certain advantages, they are not the ultimate determinants of success. Hard work and determination are more crucial because they are within an individual’s control and can lead to sustainable achievements. For example, someone born into wealth may lack the drive to succeed, while a determined individual from a modest background can rise to great heights through perseverance. Ultimately, success is a combination of effort, resilience, and the ability to make the most of available opportunities.
高分亮点：
- 折中立场： 先用 while 让步承认外部因素的优势，再强调努力和决心更重要——既不极端，又有自己的判断。
- 对比论证： 用“富家子弟可能缺乏动力”与“普通人通过毅力成功”形成鲜明对比，逻辑清晰。
- 总结升华： 最后一句将成功定义为“努力、韧性、把握机会的能力”的组合，观点成熟且深刻。
结论段
In conclusion, while money and appearance may offer some advantages, hard work and determination are the true drivers of success. These qualities empower individuals to overcome obstacles and achieve their goals, regardless of their starting point. Success, therefore, is not merely a matter of luck or privilege but the result of persistent effort and a strong will.
高分亮点：
- 呼应开头： 再次重申努力和决心的核心地位。
- 金句收尾： Success is not merely a matter of luck or privilege but the result of persistent effort and a strong will. 这句话既有深度，又有力量，是结论段的“点睛之笔”。
结构总览
引言段：引出话题 + 呈现双方观点 + 表明文章结构，让考官快速把握文章走向
主体段1 努力与决心的观点 + 解释 + 例子 ，完整呈现一方立场
主体段2 金钱与外表的观点 + 解释 + 例子 ，完整呈现另一方立场
主体段3 个人观点 + 对比论证 + 总结 ，展示批判性思维
结论段 重申立场 + 升华主题 ，给文章一个有力的收尾
单词与表达精讲
1. 高分词汇
| 词汇 | 词性 | 释义 | 同义替换 |
| resilience | n. | 韧性、恢复力 | determination, persistence |
| relentless | adj. | 不懈的 | persistent, unyielding |
| unwavering | adj. | 坚定不移的 | firm, steadfast |
| attribute to | v. | 归因于 | credit to, owe to |
| access to | n. | 获得…的机会 | entry to, admission to |
| enhance | v. | 提高、增强 | improve, boost |
| determinants | n. | 决定因素 | factors, elements |
| sustainable | adj. | 可持续的 | lasting, enduring |
| perseverance | n. | 毅力 | persistence, tenacity |
| empower | v. | 赋予能力 | enable, equip |
2. 高分句型
While some argue that..., others believe that... 呈现双方观点
While some argue that hard work is key, others believe that wealth matters more.
...enables individuals to do A, B, and C. 列举多项功能
Hard work enables individuals to develop skills, overcome challenges, and achieve goals.
...on the other hand 对比
Determination, on the other hand, provides the resilience needed to persist.
引发思考：什么样的成功才是真正的成功？
这篇文章的价值不仅在于帮学生拿高分，更在于它引发了一个深刻的思考：成功的本质到底是什么？
在社交媒体充斥“晒豪车、晒名牌”的今天，我们很容易把成功等同于外在的富有和光鲜。但这篇文章给出了一个不同的答案：真正的成功，是那些通过努力和毅力获得的、可持续的成就。
一个出生在富裕家庭的人，如果缺乏内在驱动力，可能一生碌碌无为；而一个普通人，如果拥有坚韧不拔的意志，完全可以突破环境的限制，创造属于自己的成功故事。
这种观点，正是雅思写作考官所期待的——成熟、深刻、有独立思考。
高分备考建议
1. 结构先行
- 熟练掌握“引言—观点1—观点2—个人观点—结论”的5段式结构
- 每段只讲一个核心观点，段落内部逻辑层层递进
2. 积累高分词汇
- 不要背孤立的单词，要背“词组搭配”
- 例如：persist despite setbacks、attribute achievements to、rise to great heights
3. 学会对比论证
- 对比论证是展示思辨能力的最好方式
- 例如：用“富家子弟可能缺乏动力”与“普通人通过毅力成功”形成对比
4. 例证要具体
- 不要只说“for example, some people...”
- 要用真实的、具体的人物或研究，如“Elon Musk”或“studies have shown”
5. 结论要升华
- 结论不是重复开头，而是给文章一个更高的立意
- 例如：将成功定义为“持续努力和坚强意志的结果”
写在最后
雅思写作不是考你的“知识储备”，而是考你的“逻辑表达”。一篇高分作文，不一定用了多么华丽的词汇，但一定做到了：结构清晰、观点明确、论证有力、语言准确。
希望这篇精析能帮你看清高分作文的“底层逻辑”。如果你正在备考，不妨用这篇范文的结构和表达，试着写一篇同类题目。
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澳洲海归笔译与口译硕士&对外英语教学TESOL双硕士
