中国有句古话叫做“君子之交淡如水”，亚里士多德说，“真正的朋友，是一个灵魂孕育在两个躯体里”。对待友谊，作为青少年的你怎样看待？假设你校校报英文专刊以“What Makes a True Friend”为题开展征文活动，请你写一篇短文投稿。
内容应包括：
1. 什么是真正的友谊？
2. 分享你的一个友谊小故事；
3. 如何保持友谊的长久？
注意：
1. 词数：90左右；
2. 内容完整（照抄阅读语篇不得分）；
3. 文中不得提及真实的人名、校名等相关信息。
What Makes a True Friend
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原文一/相城中学夏同学修改/刘老师
同学原文第一段：
A ture friend is a person who really think aboutyou.He or she should be honest and helpful to you. There is on example.One day, I was doing a difficult math problem and I had no idea about it. Then my good friend Quinn helped me with this problem and I understood him easily.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点：
1)开篇点明主题，能够运用定语从句
2)写作框架清晰，观点搭配实例进行说明
3)课内重点短语使用准确，选用自身经历举例，贴合主题。
⚠️不足：
1)存在拼写、主谓一致、冠词等基础错误
2)代词指代不当；个别表达不够地道
3)句式偏简单，细节较少。
刘老师范文：
A true friend is someone who really cares about you. He or she is supposed to be honest and willing to give you a hand.Take my own experience as an example. One day, I met a difficult math problem and didn’t know how to solve it. My good friend Quinn came to my aid. Thanks to his help, I finally made sense of it.
同学原文第二段：
How to keep friendship forever? This is a good question. First, be honest to your friends, you need to tell the truth. Second, help your friends from time to time, this way, you can show you are care about them. Finally, be patient to your friends. When they do something wrong, you should correct their wrong.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点：
1）用 First、Second、Finally 分层，条理清晰，结构感强
2）围绕如何维系友谊展开，紧扣作文主题
3）会使用 from time to time、be patient to 等课内短语。
⚠️不足：
1）多处逗号粘连，两个独立分句只用逗号连接，是写作高频扣分点
2）出现多余 be 动词，you are care 属于语法失误
3）correct their wrong 表达中式，用词不准确，用mistake替换
刘老师范文：
How can we keep our friendship forever? Here is some advice. First, we should be honest to our friends and always tell the truth. Second, offer help to our friends now and then. In this way, they can feel our care. Finally, be patient with our friends. If they make mistakes, we should point them out politely.
同学原文第三段：
I hope you can find aturefriend.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）结尾收束全文，和文章开头主题呼应
2）句式简单直白，表意清晰，有祝福的情感
3）用宾语从句表达想法，敢于尝试复合句
⚠️不足
1）单词拼写错误：ture → true，这是第二次犯同一个错语
2）句子比较简短，缺少一点升华，收尾略显平淡
3）没有其他语法结构，句式单一。
刘老师范文：
I hope you can find a true friend who will stay with you through good times and bad.
原文二/相城中学周同学修改/刘老师
同学原文第一段：
What is true friendship? In my opinion, a true friendship does not just share happywith you, but also gives you some useful suggestions.
刘老师批注：
✅优点
1）开篇设问，引出主题，吸引读者
2）正确使用 not just…but also… 并列结构，句式亮眼= not only... but also...
3）观点清晰，点明真正友谊的内涵，贴合作文主题。
⚠️不足
1）friendship 是抽象不可数名词，前面一般不加 a
2）share 后面需要名词 happiness，happy 是形容词，不能作宾语
3）句子内容可以增加细节，表达稍显单薄。
刘老师范文：
What is true friendship? In my opinion, true friendship is not only about sharing joy together, but also offering useful suggestions when you are in trouble.
同学原文第二段：
Once I did badly in my math exam, I was so unhappy. My friend saw me and came to stay with me. He gave me much help with my math study.To keep our friendship for a long time, we should be honest and care about each other. We can spend some free time together and talk about our life. We should also help each other when we meet problems.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）使用 Once 引出事例，叙事自然，支撑前面的观点
2）用 To do 不定式表目的，语法运用到位
3）条理清楚，从举例过渡到维系友谊的做法，衔接顺畅
⚠️不足
1）第一句属于逗号粘连，两个独立分句只用逗号连接，考场容易扣分
2）事例描写比较简略，缺少细节，感染力不强
3）句子大多为简单句，句式变化偏少
刘老师范文：
Once I failed my math exam, which made me feel really upset. Noticing my sadness, my friend came to keep me company. He offered me plenty of help on my math.To keep our friendship lasting, we are supposed to be honest and care for one another. We can spare time to stay together and share our daily life. Besides, we ought to give a hand to each other whenever we run into difficulties.
同学原文第三段：
In this way, our friendship will go for years.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）用 In this way 收尾，承接上文给出的建议，收束全文
2）紧扣主题，想要表达友谊长久的美好祝愿，立意很好
3）结尾简洁，让整篇文章结构完整
⚠️不足
1)逗号拼接两个主句，中考书面表达高频扣分点；
2)时态没有统一，过去的经历，be 动词要使用过去式。
刘老师范文：
In this way, our friendship will last forever.
拓展内容：《友谊地久天长》是奥斯卡金奖电影《魂断蓝桥》的主题典，其英文翻译为Auld Lang Syne，为苏格兰民谣，彭斯所作，有时间可以搜索听一听，很治愈。
原文三/相城实验殷同学修改/刘老师
同学原文第一段：
A friend is the best medicine. I think a true friendshould be honest and kind. Theycheer each other up and encourage each other.
刘老师开批注：
✅ 优点
1）开篇用比喻句 “A friend is the best medicine”，新颖亮眼，迅速点题
2）观点清晰，直接点明挚友的品质：诚实、友善
3）熟练运用 cheer up、each other 等课内短语，基础扎实
⚠️不足
1）第二句主语 a true friend 是单数，后面用 They 指代，人称单复数不一致
2）句子都是简单句，句式缺少变化
3）内容比较简短，铺垫可以再丰富一点
刘老师范文：
A friend is the best medicine. In my opinion, a true friend is supposed to be honest and kind. Such friends can cheer one another up and give encouragement to each other.
同学原文第二段：
I have a best friend. She is Amy. For a while, I felt very sad. Because I failed in my English test. She cheered me up and encouraged me to try again. She was patient enough to help me with my English.Several months later, my English became better and I passed the English test.However, keepa friendship isnot easy. We should share not only happiness but also sadness. We should also care about friends' feelings.Last but not least. To keep a long friendship should be a good listener. Listening carefully is also a respectand it helps you know your friends better.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）选用自身真实事例来支撑观点，内容贴合友谊主题
2）熟练运用 cheer sb up、encourage sb to do、be patient enough to do、help sb with sth 重点短语
3）叙事脉络清晰，起因、经过、结果完整。
⚠️不足
1）Because 引导的从句独立成句，属于句子结构问题
2）短句偏多，句子零散，可以适当合并复合句，增强连贯性
3） my English became better 表达比较普通，还有优化空间
刘老师范文：
I have a best friend named Amy. I was upset for some time because I didn’t do well in my English exam. She cheered me up and pushed me to have another try. Besides, she patiently helped me with my English study. Months went by, my English got much better and I succeeded in the test.However, it takes effort to keep a friendship alive. We are supposed to share both joy and sorrow and value our friends’ feelings. Last but not least, being a good listener matters for long‑term friendship. Careful listening is a sign of respect and helps us understand our friends more.
同学原文第三段：
A true friend is very important and we should know to make a true friend and keep it.
刘老师批注：
✅优点
1）结尾收束全文，再次点明主题，结构完整
2）想法清晰，点明要懂得结交并且珍惜挚友
3）简短有力，适合作为文章收尾句
⚠️不足
1）know to do 不是课标内正确搭配，正确是 know how to do（知道如何做……）
2）后半句重复a true friend，表达略显啰嗦
3）代词it 指代 friend，搭配上稍欠自然
刘老师范文：
True friendship is of great importance. We should learn how to find a true friend and value the friendship.
原文四/苏城外国语周同学修改/刘老师
同学原文第一段：
If a peopleface on manydifficults,they will have negative emotions, so they need friends.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）开篇提出观点，点明遇到困境产生负面情绪时，我们需要朋友，立意贴合友谊主题
2）句子逻辑清晰，if 条件状语从句结构尝试使用，有复合句意识
3）能主动用上 negative emotions 这类表达，词汇拓展意识不错
⚠️不足
1）people 本身是复数，不能加 a；a people 表示 “一个民族”，此处错误
2） face 是及物动词，直接接宾语，不需要介词 on，face sth
3） difficult 是形容词，这里要名词 difficulties
刘老师范文：
people face many difficulties, they will have negative feelings, so they need friends around them.
同学原文第二段：
When I face of Maths, I often want to give up, I do this so badly and I can't cheer meup. Then I met she.
She is good at Maths, and also helpful, she saw I was very impatient so she came and taught me.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）选取数学学习的亲身事例，紧扣友谊主题，内容真实
2）熟练运用重点短语 give up、be good at、cheer up，课内短语掌握扎实
3）叙事逻辑清楚：遇到难题想放弃→朋友发现我的急躁→主动来辅导我
⚠️不足
1） face of 搭配错误，face sth，不需要介词 of
2）多处逗号拼接句（逗号直接连接两个完整句子），是高频结构错
3）代词错误：met 后面用宾格 her；cheer up 这里应该用 myself
4）时态小问题，全文讲故事，统一一般过去时会更协调
刘老师范文：
I often feel like giving up when I meet problems in Maths. I did badly in it and couldn’t cheer myself up. That was before I met her.She was good at Maths and ready to help others. Noticing I grew impatient, she came over and gave me lessons.
同学原文第三段：
So, we have a strong friendship, friends are help each others, when we met different trouble, we always can solve it easily.And it can make a friendship stronger and stronger, I'm very cherish this friendship.
刘老师批注：
✅ 优点
1）承接上文事例，升华主题，点明朋友互相扶持让友谊愈发深厚，扣题到位
2）用上比较级 stronger and stronger，语法点有意识地运用
3）结尾表达珍惜友谊，情感真挚
⚠️不足
1）动词结构错误：are help，不能 be 动词加动词原形；正确：help /are helping
2）固定搭配：each other（互相，不加 s），没有 each others
3）trouble 表示各类难题时常用 troubles；met 时态、always 位置（can always）需要调整
4）多处逗号拼接句；I'm very cherish 属于典型错句，cherish 是实义动词，直接用 I cherish
5）a friendship 这里用 the friendship 更贴合前文
刘老师范文：
That is how we built our close friendship. True friends help one another. Whenever we run into difficulties, we can work them out together. This makes our bond grow stronger, and I truly value this friendship.
