学生二笔真题汉译英译文逐句评改

下图为学生译文截图：

一、逐句错误点评 + 修改

原文1：浙江杭州是风景秀美之地，也是创新活力之城。

学生译文：Hangzhou, located in the Zhejiang Province, represents as a place of beautiful scenery as well as a place of innovative vitality.

错误：①冠词误用：省份前不加 the；②动词错误：represent 为及物动词，不可加 as；③表达冗余：重复使用 place of。

改法：Hangzhou, located in Zhejiang Province, is a land of picturesque scenery and a city vibrant with innovation.

原文2：G20 杭州峰会的会标，就是用 20 根线条，勾勒出一个桥型轮廓，同时辅以 “2016 年 G20” 的英文和篆隶 “中国” 印章。

学生译文：The emblem of G20 Hangzhou Summit uses 20 lines to delineate the shape of bridge, with English words of"G20,2016"and seal of Chinese character "China" in clerical and seal scripts.

错误：①冠词缺失：bridge 前缺冠词 a；②专有名词语序：应为 G20 2016；③表达啰嗦：seal of Chinese character 不简洁。

改法：The emblem of the G20 Hangzhou Summit features a bridge outline drawn with 20 lines, accompanied by the English words “G20 2016” and a seal of “Zhongguo” in seal and clerical scripts.

原文3：桥，在 G20 独具含义。

学生译文：The shape of bridge has unique meaning in its logo.

错误：①主语偏离：原文主语是 “桥” 有特定含义，并非指“桥的形状”；②指代不清：its logo 种的代词无明确指代。

改法：The bridge carries a unique meaning for the G20.

原文4：曾几何时，全球经济治理为发达国家所垄断。

学生译文：Long before, governance of global economy was controlled by developed countries.

错误：①用词不准：曾几何时≠Long before；②动词偏弱：垄断应该用 monopolized。

改法：Once upon a time, global economic governance was monopolized by developed countries.

原文5：G20 是第一个发达国家和发展中国家平等参与全球经济治理的机制，是历史的进步。

学生译文：Emerging as the first mechanism for both developed and developing countries to fairly engage in global economic governance, G20 is regarded as a huge leap throughout the history.

错误：①搭配错误：平等（参与） = on an equal footing，非 fairly engage；②冗余：throughout the history 多余。

改法：The G20 is the first mechanism where developed and developing countries participate in global economic governance on an equal footing, marking historic progress.

原文6：在这个意义上，G20 本身就是一座桥，一座连接历史与未来、发达国家与发展中国家的桥梁。

学生译文：In this sense, G20 represents as a bridge itself, which connects both between history and future and between developed countries and developing countries.

错误：①动词错误：represent 不可加 as；②累赘：both between…and between… 重复。

改法：In this sense, the G20 itself is a bridge connecting history with the future and developed countries with developing ones.

原文7：在 2016 年的杭州，在世界经济发展的当下，桥又有了新的含义。

学生译文：In Hangzhou, 2016, the bridge is endowed with new meanings against the background of growing world economy.

错误：①语序不地道：应为 In Hangzhou in 2016；②语义偏差：世界经济发展的当下≠growing world economy。

改法：In Hangzhou in 2016, at this stage of world economic development, the bridge has acquired new meanings.

原文8：它寓意着对 G20 成为全球经济之桥、国际社会合作之桥、面向未来的共赢之桥的殷切期望。

学生译文：It places great expectations on G20 to become the bridge of global economy, international social cooperation and win-win outcomes oriented towards future.

错误：①搭配不当：places expectations on 不符合原文；②结构不平行：并列结构混乱。

改法：It symbolizes the earnest expectation that the G20 will become a bridge for the global economy, a bridge for international cooperation, and a bridge for win-win results oriented toward the future.

原文9：桥梁线条形似光纤，寓意信息技术应用带来的互联互通，具有强烈的时代感。

学生译文：Lines of the bridge, assembling like optical fibers, have the meaning of connectivity accompanied by information technology with strong sense of the times.

错误：①用词错误：形似 = resemble≠assembling（装配，组装）；②啰嗦：have the meaning of；③缺冠词：a strong sense。

改法：The bridge lines resemble optical fibers, symbolizing connectivity brought by information technology and giving a strong sense of the times.

原文10：我们希望，以杭州峰会为桥梁，各国间的联系将更加紧密，世界经济的前景将更加广阔。

学生译文：We hope that all countries forge a closer connection between each other to have a broader prospect of world economy by means of the Hangzhou Summit.

错误：①逻辑错误：to have 表目的不当；②表达生硬：by means of 不地道。

改法：We hope that through the Hangzhou Summit, countries will forge closer ties and the world economy will embrace a brighter future.

二、整体翻译点评

优点：能基本读懂原文，核心信息未遗漏，句子框架完整。

主要问题：

语法错误密集：冠词、动词搭配、介词、句式结构错误多；

中式英语明显：表达啰嗦、不地道、政论语体不规范；

固定表达不标准：G20、峰会、平等参与等术语处理不专业；

逻辑与简洁度不足：长句拆分、并列结构处理能力弱。